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By Will Harris (wharris@bullz-eye.com) & David Medsker (davidm@bullz-eye.com)


Movies Home / Entertainment Channel / Bullz-Eye Home

Greatest Simpsons Guest Voices

63. Mickey Rooney

EPISODE: “Radioactive Man” (Season 7)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: “Radioactive Man: The Movie” is filming in Springfield, with Milhouse playing Fallout Boy, but when Milhouse bails out of the proceedings, one of Hollywood’s all-time great child actors is called in to mediate.

  Bart and Milhouse: Mickey Rooney!

Mickey Rooney: Hi, Milhouse. The studio sent me to talk to you, being a former child star myself, and the number one box office draw from 1939 to 1940.

Bart: Wow, spanning two decades!


64. Glenn Close

CHARACTER: Homer’s long-lost mother, Mona Simpson.
EPISODE: “Mother Simpson” (Season 7)

  Marge: Mother Simpson, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your past.

Mona: Can't reminisce. Sleeping.


65. R. Lee Ermey

CHARACTER: Colonel Leslie Hapablap, who finds himself battling Sideshow Bob’s latest attempt at world domination.
EPISODE: “Sideshow Bob’s Last Gleaming” (Season 7)

  Hapablap: Who's in my private washroom? McGuckett, let me in.

Sideshow Bob: The door already is closed.

Hapablap: This is Colonel Leslie "Hap" Hapablap. If you don't open that door, I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot party!

Sideshow Bob: You say you're in the military?

Hapablap: Sweet Enola Gay, Son! I'm going to come in there and corpse you up -- corpse you up and mail you to mama!


66. Laurence Tierney

CHARACTER: Don Brodka, the head of security at the Try-N-Save that busts Bart when he tries to shoplift a video game.
EPISODE: “Marge Be Not Proud” (Season 7)

  Brodka: You think you're pretty smart, don't you?

Bart: No.

Brodka: Don't smart off to me, smart guy!

Bart: I could pay for the game. I'll pay for it!

Brodka: You know, that kind of mush might fly at Lamps Plus, but don't peddle it here.


67. Bob Newhart

EPISODE: “Bart the Fink” (Season 7)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: Krusty is believed dead, and when Bob Newhart coincidentally strolls by Krusty’s funeral, Newhart is dragged up to the podium to speak.

  Troy McClure: Next in our cavalcade of celebrity mourners: Bob Newhart!

Bob Newhart: (Whispers to Troy) Um…see, to tell you the truth, I’m just killing time here. I was waiting for, uh, a different funeral to start.

Troy McClure: (Whispers to Bob) I’ll handle it. (Loudly, to audience) Bob Newhart, everybody!

Bob Newhart: Oh. Um, although I started my career several years before Krusty, so I could never really have learned anything directly from him, still, I think, in a way, in a very meaningful way, that I…that all of us…have learned from him. That is, by being, a clown on television for so many years. Even though, uh, y’know, many of us…we didn’t really watch his show. (Clears throat, causing microphone to feed back) Uh, thank you.


68. Donald Sutherland

CHARACTER: Hollis Hurlbut, curator of the Springfield Museum of History.
EPISODE: “Lisa the Iconoclast” (Season 7)

  Hollis Hurlbut: Get out! You're banned from this historical society! You, and your children, and your children's children! For three months.

69. Kirk Douglas

CHARACTER: Chester J. Lampwick, the original creator of Itchy (of “Itchy & Scratchy” fame), who emerges from obscurity to sue Roger Meyers, Jr., whose father claimed to have created the character himself.
EPISODE: “The Day the Violence Died” (Season 7)

  Bart: You invented Itchy? The “Itchy & Scratchy” Itchy?

Chester: Sure. In fact, I invented the whole concept of cartoon violence. Before I came along, all cartoon animals did was play the ukulele. I changed all that.

Bart: Well, I'm not calling you a liar but... but I can't think of a way to finish that sentence.


70. Jeff Goldblum

CHARACTER: MacArthur Parker, Troy McClure’s not-very-hard-working agent.
EPISODE: “A Fish Called Selma” (Season 7)

  MacArthur Parker: Troy, my man, it's MacArthur Parker.

Troy: MacArthur Parker the agent? MacArthur Parker my agent?

MacArthur Parker: Heh-heh, just checking in, my friend. So how's my favorite client?

Troy: We haven't spoken in eight years...

MacArthur Parker: Yes... So I saw the papers today, Troy, looking good, that wholesome stuff really helps when I'm trying to find you work.

Troy: You haven't found me work in 12 years!

MacArthur Parker: Oh, you. Jury duty is work. And listen, you keep getting seen in public with human females, and I can get you work in the entertainment industry.


71-74. Peter Frampton, Smashing Pumpkins, Cypress Hill and Sonic Youth

EPISODE: “Homerpalooza” (Season 7)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: After discovering that he has the ability to take a cannonball to the stomach with seemingly no ill effects, Homer is recruited to join the traveling concert festival, Hullabalooza.

  Peter Frampton: God. Homer Simpson wrecks my pig, Cypress Hill steals my orchestra, and Sonic Youth's in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids!

Thurston Moore: Aw, come on, Mr. Frampton. You're not gonna eat all that watermelon.

Peter Frampton: Please, I'm trying to perform!

Steve Shelley: Go ahead. We'll stay here and guard your cooler.

  Billy Corgan: Hey, Homer, looks like our next stop is your hometown, Springfield.

D'Arcy: Is it true that we have to bring our own water?

Homer: We got a little rule back home: if it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it back.

Jimmy Chamberlain: The hometown show's the big one, Homer.

James Iha: Yeah, people who called you a weirdo in high school get to see what a successful freak you've become.

D'Arcy: Hey, I wasn't a weirdo. I was in the audio-visual club.

Homer: Really? Me, too! But I got kicked out 'cause of my views of Vietnam. Also, I was stealing projectors.

  Roadie: Who is playing with the London Symphony Orchestra? Come on people, somebody ordered the London Symphony Orchestra. Possibly while high. Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your  direction.

B-Real: Yo, did we order an orchestra?

(Cypress Hill mutter amongst themselves.)

B-Real: Uh, yeah, we think we did.

DJ Muggs: Do you know “Insane in the Brain”?

London Symphony Violinist: Welllllll…we mostly know classical, but we could give it a shot.

  Kim Gordon: Hey, Hullabalooza isn't about freaks; it's about music, and advertisement, and youth-oriented product positioning.

Sen-Dog: That, and getting toasted. Nicely toasted.


75. Paul Winfield

CHARACTER: Lucius Sweet, manager of boxing legend (and Mike Tyson look- and sound-alike) Drederick Tatem.
EPISODE: “The Homer They Fall”

  Moe: Lucius! Hey! What's a glitterati like you doing in my dump? I thought you were managing the champ.

Lucius: Yes, managing Drederick has been my highest priority, even though he is temporarily incarcerated for pushing his mother down the stairs. But with his impending release, I've been strategizing for his glorious return to the shores of Fistiana.

Moe: Uh, what?

Lucius: His comeback fight. You know, boxing?


76. Rodney Dangerfield

CHARACTER: Larry Burns, Mr. Burns’s long-lost, illegitimate son.
EPISODE: “Burns, Baby, Burns” (Season 8)

  Larry Burns: (walking alone up the driveway to Burns’ front door) Ho, this guy’s got more bread than a prison meatloaf! He’s rich, I tell ya. I never seen a place with a walk-in mailbox. (Pauses) Hey, who am I talkin’ to?

77. Johnny Cash

CHARACTER: Homer’s spiritual guide, who takes the form of a talking coyote.
EPISODE: “El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)”, Season 8

  Coyote: Find your soul mate, Homer. Find your soul mate.

Homer: Where? Where?!?

Coyote: This is just your memory. I can’t give you any more information.


78-79. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson

CHARACTERS: FBI Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully
EPISODE: “The Springfield Files”

  Mulder: There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've gotta get there right away.

Scully: Well...gee, Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.

Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.


80. Jack Lemmon

CHARACTER: Frank Ormand, the proprietor of the small franchise operation known as Pretzel Wagon.
EPISODE: “The Twisted World of Marge Simpson” (Season 8)

  Frank Ormand: Congratulations, and welcome to the dynamic world of mobile pretzel retailing.

Marge: When can I start? Where's my territory?

Frank Ormand: Your... territory. Well, lemme tell ya. Wherever a young mother is ignorant of what to feed her baby, you'll be there. Wherever nacho penetration is less than total, you'll be there. Wherever a Bavarian is not quite full, you will be there.

Marge: Don't forget fat people. They can't stop eating!

Homer: Hey, pretzels!


81. John Waters

CHARACTER: John, a somewhat flamboyant gay man who Homer feels may be a bad influence on Bart…if you take our meaning.
EPISODE: “Homer’s Phobia” (Season 8)

  Homer: It’s a miracle!

John: No, ultrasuede is a miracle. This is just good timing.


82. David Hyde Pierce

CHARACTER: Cecil Terwilliger, Sideshow Bob’s brother.
EPISODE: “Brother from Another Series” (Season 8)

  Cecil: I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan-Segle.

Bob: I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.

Cecil: That would be the Latour, then.


83. Dave Thomas

CHARACTER: Rex Banner, an officer of the U.S. Treasury department who’s out to take down Homer’s liquor bootlegging operation.
EPISODE: “Homer vs. the 18th Amendment” (Season 8)

  Rex Banner: Listen, rummy, I'm gonna say it plain and simple. Where'd you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?

Barney: (Confused) Yes...?


84. Gedde Watanabe

CHARACTER: an unnamed worker at the Mr. Sparkle detergent factory in Japan.
EPISODE: “In Marge We Trust” (Season 8)

  Worker: Hello, chief. Let's talk, why not?

Homer: Hello? Why am I Mr. Sparkle?

Worker: You like Mister Sparkle?

Homer: Well, I am Mr. Sparkle.

Worker: You have many question, Mr. Sparkle. I send you premium. Answer question hundred percent!


85. Willem Dafoe

CHARACTER: The commandant of the military school that Bart is sent to and that Lisa requests to attend.
EPISODE: “The Secret War of Lisa Simpson” (Season 8)

  Commandant: Good job, Simpson…although that’s more cursing than I like to hear from a cadet in peace time.

86. Martin Sheen

CHARACTER: The real Seymour Skinner, whose identity had been stolen by one Armin Tanzarian, a.k.a. the Seymour Skinner we know as Bart’s principal.
EPISODE: “The Principal and the Pauper” (Season 8)

  Chalmers: Now let's clear this up. Who exactly are you?

Seymour Skinner: Sergeant Seymour Skinner, U.S. Army.

Armin Tanzarian: It's true. I was in his platoon. They said you were killed on that scouting mission.

Seymour Skinner: No, just captured. It's kind of a funny story, really. After five years in a secret P.O.W. camp, I was sold to China for slave labor. And since '77 I've been making sneakers at gunpoint in a sweatshop in Bhutan.

Marge: That's not a funny story.

Seymour Skinner: Well, I guess you had to be there.


87. Joe Namath

Joe NamathEPISODE: “Bart the Star” (Season 9)
EXCUSE FOR APPEARANCE: Namath’s car breaks down next to the Simpson home.

  Bart: (After getting himself arrested by identifying himself as Nelson Muntz) So, what’s the charge, Chief? Vandalism, smoking?

Chief Wiggum: You know what you did, Muntz! Burglary and arson. You're going away for a long time.

Joe Namath: Heh heh. Poor Bart. You know, we had a lot of fun tonight. But, there’s nothing funny about...vapor lock. It’s the third most common cause of stalling. So please, take care of your car and get it checked. I'm Joe Namath. Good night!

Greatest Simpsons Guest Voices

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