Me, here for you
09/13/2002
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This thing is hard.
Not that thing. This thing.
This writing a column thing.
Month after month, trying to find new and unique topics to write about.
Column after column after column.
Sometimes I sit down in front of my computer and look at the blank screen staring back at me.
Sometimes, I'm kinda dumbfounded.
Okay, a lot of the time, I'm kinda dumbfounded.
Sometimes, when I know it's time to work on my next column, my mind is completely empty. Void of any thought. And I have no direction whatsoever.
Some may call it "writer's block."
I call it, "every stinking day of my life."
The thing is, though, when I committed to writing this, I was determined to bring my very best to the table every time I sat down to write.
Every column. Without compromise. No matter what it took.
I didn't want to do this column just to fill empty pages. I wanted it to be something special.
I wanted my column to be something readers could turn to for entertainment. To get information. To gain some knowledge.
Then again, seeing as how that whole entertain/inform/educate thing hasn't really worked out, maybe I am just filling pages.
The truth is, I promised myself that if I couldn't do something original in every column, then I wasn't going to do a column.
And honestly, often doing something original is hard.
Take this week, for example.
Honestly, I have no idea what I'm going to write about. Not a clue.
Now I know that in situations like this, when I'm struggling for an idea, the easy thing for me to do would be to resort to a tired old cliché column that's been done a million times before.
A column with things like Top-Ten Lists.
How easy would it be for me to spit out a Top-Ten list just to fill space in my column?
Rest assured, I've never done anything like that. And I never will.
THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY I WOULD NEVER DO A TOP TEN LIST JUST TO FILL SPACE IN MY COLUMN:
10. Two words: Law. Suit.
9. Because nine seems like more than enough.
8. I've never come up with 10 reasons for anything.
7. Because it's really hard.
6. My jokes are funnier in person.
5. Three words: Big. Law. Suit.
4. I've already done it, like, 20 times.
3. I don't have a space between my teeth.
2. They're funnier out loud.
And the #1 reason why I would never do a Top-Ten List:
1. It doesn't take up as much space as you'd think.
To me, writing is a privilege and should be treated like one. To simply look at a page and think, "Hmmm, what can I do to cover this with a bunch of words?" is contrary to the whole concept of creativity.
A true writer's thoughts should have depth and conviction. They should come from the heart and have purpose and meaning.
No one ever said this column was going to be easy. And I knew writing it would be hard work.
Like this week's column. What shall I do? What shall I do?
Now I know that in situations like this, when I'm struggling for an idea, the easy thing for me to do would be to resort to a tired old cliché column that's been done a million times before.
A column with things like using other people's quotes.
How easy would it be for me to use other people's quotes just to fill space in my column?
Rest assured, I've never done anything like that. And I never will.
In fact, I'd go into greater detail on this subject, but Stephen King said it really well in his book on writing:
"I don't believe writers can be made, either by circumstance or by self-will. The equipment comes with the original package. I believe large numbers of people have at least some talent as writers and storytellers, and that those talents can be strengthened and sharpened."
When I sit down to write my column, I spend more time trying to find a unique angle on the world than I actually do writing about it.
Like the time I'm spending right now trying to find an angle for my next column.
Now I know that in situations like this, when I'm struggling for an idea, the easy thing for me to do would be to resort to a tired old cliché column that's been done a million times before.
A column with things like letters from my readers.
How easy would it be for me to spit out a column filled with readers' letters?
Rest assured, I've never done anything like that. And I never will.
Or as Jim from Hartford recently said:
Dear Lane:
What's your opinion of the work being done by the Environmental Protection Agency? Just kidding. I don't really care what you think. Anyway, your columns are too long. Can you include pictures or something? That would help a lot.
Sincerely,
Jim from Hartford
With each and every column, I try to be insightful and thought-provoking. I feel that if I can't make you people think, why bother writing?
That's why I'm working so hard right now to find the perfect topic for this week.
Now I know that in situations like this, when I'm struggling for an idea, the easy thing for me to do would be to resort to a tired old cliché column that's been done a million times before.
A column with things like self-important nostalgia pieces.
How easy would it be for me to spit out a column filled with self-important nostalgia pieces?
You know the kind of pieces I mean.
Stories about something completely insignificant in my past which I would make to sound bigger and more important than it really was.
Rest assured, I've never done anything like that. And I never will.
Frankly, that would sicken me to do that to you.
Which reminds me of a story about the last time I truly was sick. It was back in the early spring of 1974. I had caught the flu from a close friend after we had shared a sip from a warm cup of cocoa while we traded baseball cards in our fort my dad had built on the branches of the big oak tree in our backyard.
Lying in bed with a fever, a stuffy nose and every ounce of my body aching, I remember looking out my bedroom window and noticing a baby spider crawling across the sill. I never would've given it the time of day in any other circumstance, but my sickness brought a sense of calm over me as I focused on that small insect, and the passion of his life, which was to make it across the window. It was then that I realized how important the small details of life are. How the things we all worry about aren't really as important as getting back to basics. And appreciating all the opportunities we're given.
For me, writing this column is therapeutic. It's a wonderful opportunity to bring to light topics and perspective that you've never read before.
And often -- like this week-- finding that something takes time.
Now I know that in situations like this, when I'm struggling for an idea, the easy thing for me to do would be to resort to a tired old cliché column that's been done a million times before.
A column with things like Bible passages.
How easy would it be for me to spit out a column filled with Bible passages? And then try to tie them back to some lame point I was trying to make?
Rest assured, I've never done anything like that. And I never will.
In fact, if I were a reader and saw a writer do that, I'd be quite angry.
How angry?
According to Matthew 5:38:
Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:
39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.
41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
Exactly. That's the kind of anger I'd feel.
Often when I struggle to develop new topics for my column, I try to take a step back and
ask myself, "Will this fulfill my obligation to the readers? Will this make them look at the world in a fresh light?"
Obviously, that can be hard to do. In fact, as I've mentioned, I'm having a tough time finding that new topic right now.
Now I know that in situations like this, when I'm struggling for an idea, the easy thing for me to do would be to resort to a tired old cliché column that's been done a million times before.
Columns with things like made-up stories.
How easy would it be for me to spit out a column filled with made-up stories?
Perhaps you remember several years ago when a writer won a major journalism award for a series she had written about the sad, horrific life of a homeless child she had befriended.
Other than the fact that she had made up the part about knowing a child that didn't really exist, it was a pretty good story.
How shameless.
Rest assured, I've never done anything like that. And I never will
I've never been in a position where I would even consider making up a story. And if I ever did get to that point, I believe that my sense of morality would tell me it was time to pursue another piece.
In fact, while recently having lunch with my close friend, Jonas, the Amish farm boy, a similar discussion of morality and honor arose.
After our delightful lunch of homemade stuffed cabbage, fresh corn and apple pie, we took a long drive in his horse-drawn buggy through the peacefulness and serenity of "God's Land," as Jonas liked to call it.
"You people from the big city seem to think we're 'missing out,'" he said to me. "Take a look around you. This is why man was put on earth. To sow the land. To raise a family. To live for today."
I asked him if he would like to live -- even for one day -- as a "Yankee," as he liked to call us.
"I am at peace with who I am," said the young boy. "I see what your life is like. The more you have, the more complicated your life becomes. The frustrations. The anger. The lies. They all grow with each and every day. The morals and decadence of life in your world creates issues that we are never forced to face. Granted, they are difficult choices, but in our world, morality and honor are not choices we must make, but rather, a way of life."
And with that, I left his buggy and made my way toward my car. I pressed my automatic door unlock, and before I got in, I watched his buggy make its way down the gravel road, headed for another day of simple, earnest living.
********
Well folks, enough chit chat.
I suppose it's time for me to go. I've really got to figure out what I'm going to write about this week.
Usually, I have at least the sense of a good direction. But quite frankly, right now, I'm at a complete loss.
So if you'll excuse me, I've got to buckle down and start focusing. Because I know how much work it's going to take to write something special for you.
Now I know that in situations like this, when I'm struggling for an idea, the easy thing for me to do would be to resort to a tired old cliché column that's been done a million times before.
Make that a million and one.