2007 Winter Movie Preview: January
Movies Home / Entertainment Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
Ah, January. The holidays are over, the bills are here, and it's cold and shitty outside. And actually, it's pretty shitty inside too, at least if you're in your local cineplex. This is the traditional month of Movies Not Good Enough for Other Months, and 2007 looks to be no exception -- unless, that is, you've been dying to see Cedric the Entertainer as an amnesiac janitor who thinks he's a secret agent, Renee Zellweger playing a children's author, or a sequel to Michael Keaton's last box office "hit." No question about it, friends; months like this one are what Netflix was made for.
Code Name: The Cleaner (New Line, January 5)
Starring: Cedric The Entertainer,
Lucy
Liu, Nicollette Sheridan, Elizabeth Hurley, DeRay Davis
Director: Les Mayfield
Rating: PG-13
The Pitch: A janitor with amnesia (Cedric the Entertainer)
is led to believe he's a secret agent. Wacky hijinx, naturally, ensue.
The Buzz: January is typically the time of year when
the studios try to pass off middling rental fare as box-office gold.
But hey, something's got to be selling tickets the first week
of the year. Maybe it'll be this.
Trailer Highlight: Wait, did Lucy Liu just shorten
"Black Rambo" into "Blambo"?
Bottom Line: Not getting many scripts these days, eh,
Cedric?
Official Web Site: http://www.thecleanermovie.com/
Happily
N'Ever After (Lionsgate, January 5)
Starring: Sarah
Michelle Gellar, Sigourney Weaver, Freddie Prinze Jr., George Carlin,
Wallace Shawn, Andy Dick
Director: Paul J. Bolger
Rating: PG
The Pitch: Cinderella (Gellar) goes all Linda Hamilton
in Terminator 2 to foil a plot by her evil stepmother, Frieda
(Weaver) and save Fairy Tale Land.
The Buzz: Remember how the kids in the Archie comics
used to choose their vacation destinations by closing their eyes and
throwing a dart? Well, that seems to be the way Gellar is choosing scripts.
Trailer Highlight: "Prince envy."
Bottom Line: Want to see an animated fairy tale with
a satirical twist? Hold out for "Shrek the Third."
Official Web Site: http://www.baf-film.com/preview/start/index.php?main=produktion&sub=38
Perfume:
The Story of a Murderer (DreamWorks, January 5)
Starring: Ben Whishaw, Alan
Rickman, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Dustin Hoffman
Director: Tom Tykwer
Rating: R
The Pitch: Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (Whishaw) has a
superhuman sense of smell; in 18th-century Europe, this naturally leads
to a brilliant career in perfume (hey, with a schnozz like that, you'd
want to make people smell better too). Obsessed with distilling the
scent of womanhood, Grenouille eventually adopts some rather unorthodox
methodology.
The Buzz: Perhaps the only perfume-based thriller in
all of movie history.
Trailer Highlight: Trying to guess, just by listening
to his accent, which country on Earth Hoffman's character is supposed
to be from.
Bottom Line: Rickman and Hoffman have got some talent,
and Hurd-Wood is seriously easy on the eyes, but whether all that will
be enough to make up for the ridiculous plot is another story.
Official Web Site: http://www.perfumemovie.com/
White Noise 2: The Light (Rogue, January 5)
Starring: Nathan Fillion,
Katee Sackhoff
Director: Patrick Lussier
Rating: PG-13
The Pitch: A man (Fillion) who undergoes a near-death
experience finds himself able to identify people who are about to die.
The Buzz: 2005's Michael Keaton-led first installment
was a passable box-office draw, but if you didn't see the need for a
Number Two, join the club.
Trailer Highlight: None available.
Bottom Line: Makes "Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties"
look like an eagerly anticipated sequel.
Official Web Site: N/A
Alpha
Dog (Universal, January 12)
Starring: Ben Foster, Shawn
Hatosy, Emile Hirsch, Christopher Marquette, Sharon
Stone, Justin Timberlake, Anton Yelchin, Bruce
Willis
Director: Nick Cassavetes
Rating: R
The Pitch: Suburban drug dealer Johnny Truelove (Hirsch)
gets himself in over his head when he kidnaps the younger brother (Yelchin)
of a rival (Foster).
The Buzz: Based on the true story of Jesse James Hollywood,
Cassavetes' film was created with some below-board assistance from the
LAPD, which is part of why Universal has pushed Alpha Dog back
so many times. Being exiled to the post-holiday wasteland doesn't bode
well for the movie, but it's gotta be better than "The Astronaut's
Wife," right?
Trailer Highlight: Treated to a game of naked Marco
Polo by a doe-eyed guest at one of Truelove's parties, Yelchin discovers
being a hostage might not be so bad after all. Can you say "Stockholm
Syndrome"?
Bottom Line: The whole rich-kids-gone-bad thing was
played out ages ago, but if the trailer is anything to go on, Cassavetes
did this one up right.
Official Web Site: http://www.alphadogmovie.com/
Freedom Writers (Paramount, January 12)
Starring: Hilary
Swank, Imelda Staunton, Patrick Dempsey, Scott Glenn, Mario
Director: Richard LaGravenese
Rating: PG-13
The Pitch: A young schoolteacher (Swank) comes to Long
Beach and earns the respect of her gangbanger students with compassion
and respect. Based on a true story (and dozens of other movies).
The Buzz: Swank tends to choose her projects wisely
-- and she makes the most of the heaping piles of corn she's required
to dish out in the trailer -- but this still feels awfully stale.
Trailer Highlight: The soundtrack isn't bad.
Bottom Line: It's probably safe to say your local video
store has copies of "Stand and Deliver," "Dangerous Minds,"
and "Lean on Me" on the shelf. Rent those instead.
Official Web Site: http://www.freedomwriters.com/
Miss
Potter (MGM, January 12)
Starring: Renée
Zellweger, Ewan McGregor, Emily Watson, Barbara Flynn, Bill Paterson,
Lloyd Owen
Director: Chris Noonan
Rating: PG
The Pitch: The hidden life of legendary children's
author Beatrix Potter (Zellweger), and her forbidden love with Norman
Warne (McGregor).
The Buzz: A period romantic drama about a woman who
wrote books about a fuzzy bunny? Couldn't be more of a chick flick if
it actually had breasts and periodically cried for no reason.
Trailer Highlight: That Ewan McGregor guy? Yeah, he's
a pretty good actor.
Bottom Line: Unless you've got a serious thing for
Zellweger, there is literally no earthly reason to see this.
Official Web Site: N/A
Stomp
the Yard (Screen Gems, January 12)
Starring: Columbus Short,
Meagan Good, Darrin DeWitt Henson, Ne-Yo, Brian J. White
Director: Sylvain White
Rating: PG-13
The Pitch: His brother's tragic death sends a street
dancer off to college, where -- wouldn't you know it -- he becomes the
target of warring fraternities who need his skillz to win the big campus
dance-off.
The Buzz: The whole thing seems a little silly, but
that didn't keep audiences away from "Save the Last Dance."
Clearly, there are people who enjoy some high-stakes dancing with their
popcorn.
Trailer Highlight: "He was an OUTSIDER" scrolls
across the screen about a minute in. Subtlety, thy name is "Stomp
the Yard"!
Bottom Line: Tragically, this film does not star K-Fed.
Official Web Site: http://sonypictures.com/movies/stomptheyard/index.html
Fast
Track (The Weinstein Company, January 19)
Starring: Zach
Braff, Amanda
Peet, Jason Bateman, Charles Grodin, Mia Farrow, Donal Logue, Amy
Poehler, Amy Adams
Director: Jesse Peretz
Rating: PG-13
The Pitch: A slacker (Braff) is forced to move to Ohio
and work for his father-in-law (Grodin) after his wife (Peet) gets pregnant.
A competition with her ex-boyfriend (Bateman) ensues.
The Buzz: Yes, Braff has gone from It Dude to Unbearably
Annoying over the last few years, but as the trailer makes clear, "Fast
Track" rests more on Bateman's gifts than Braff's shtick, and that's
a good thing. Also, Amanda Peet is not difficult to look at.
Trailer Highlight: Braff inadvertently insults an Irish
client.
Bottom Line: The plot sounds tired, and January is
where movies go to die, but this looks funny. Trust the cast and check
it out.
Official Web Site: http://www.fasttrack-themovie.com/
The Hitcher (Rogue/Focus, January 19)
Starring: Sean Bean, Sophia
Bush, Zachary Knighton, Kyle Davis, Neal McDonough
Rating: R
The Pitch: A pair of college students (Bush and Knighton)
are terrorized by a murderous hitchhiker (Bean).
The Buzz: Producer Michael Bay's appetite for horror
remakes is apparently insatiable -- first updates of "The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Amityville Horror," and now
this. But who's picking up hitchhikers these days anyway? Isn't this
a little like making a movie about a haunted iron lung?
Trailer Highlight: "I want to die!"
Bottom Line: If Bay really felt the need to remake
a scary C. Thomas Howell movie, then clearly, "Soul Man" would
have been a superior choice.
Official Web Site: N/A
Blood & Chocolate (MGM, January 26)
Starring: Agnes Bruckner,
Hugh Dancy, Olivier Martinez, Katja Riemann, Bryan Dick
Rating: PG-13
The Pitch: A teenage girl (Bruckner) has to choose
between her boyfriend (Martinez) and her family. Why, you ask? Because
she's part werewolf.
The Buzz: If the trailer reminds you a little of "Underworld,"
there's a reason: the two films share producers. Expect plenty of highly
stylized mythical beast action. Smart dialogue and a compelling plot?
Perhaps not.
Trailer Highlight: Bruckner is profoundly easy on the
eyes.
Bottom Line: "Underworld" did all right for
itself at the box office, so there's clearly an audience for this kind
of stuff, and Bruckner does the sexy-dangerous thing at least as well
as Kate Beckinsale.
Official Web Site: http://www.mgm.com/bloodandchocolate
Catch and Release (Columbia, January 26)
Starring: Jennifer
Garner, Timothy Olyphant, Sam Jaeger, Juliette Lewis, Kevin Smith
Director: Susannah Grant
Rating: PG-13
The Pitch: A man's unexpected death leaves his wife
(Garner) to pick up the pieces, which means discovering some unpleasant
truths -- and finding love where she least expects it.
The Buzz: Garner continues her bid for America's Sweetheart
status, and while she's no Meg Ryan, that's okay; Meg Ryan isn't even
Meg Ryan anymore. Smith and Lewis add some necessary seasoning to what
otherwise seems like a pretty rote romantic comedy.
Trailer Highlight: Garner, desperate for some alone
time at her husband's funeral, hides in the tub -- only to wind up unintentionally
eavesdropping on hubby's best friend grabbing a nooner over the sink.
Bottom Line: Your wife or girlfriend will probably
want to see it, and as far as these things go, "Release" seems
fairly painless.
Official Web Site: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/catchandrelease/
Epic Movie (20th Century Fox, January 26)
Starring: Kal Penn, Adam Campbell,
Jennifer Coolidge
Director: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Rating: PG-13
The Pitch: None, really; just broad send-ups of everything
from "Da Vinci Code" to "Nacho Libre" to "The
Chronicles of Narnia."
The Buzz: What the Zuckers started with classic satires
like "Airplane!," hacks like Friedberg and Seltzer seem determined
to grind into dust. We'll resist passing final judgment until the trailer
is released, but on principle alone, it seems like everyone at 20th
Century Fox who had a hand in greenlighting this should be fired.
Trailer Highlight: Trust us. "Epic Movie"
and "highlight" are antonyms.
Bottom Line: If you somehow wind up seeing this, plan
on bringing along a bottle of hard alcohol and a handful of Ritalin.
Official Web Site: http://www.epicmoviethemovie.com
Smokin'
Aces (Universal, January 26)
Starring: Ben Affleck, Andy
Garcia, Alicia Keys, Ray Liotta, Jeremy
Piven, Ryan Reynolds, Peter Berg, Martin Henderson, Taraji Henson,
Common
Director: Joe Carnahan
Rating: R
The Pitch: Mob informant Buddy "Aces" Israel
(Piven) has finally pissed off enough people to earn a million-dollar
bounty on his head. A pair of FBI agents (Reynolds and Liotta) are all
that stand between Israel and hot smoking death.
The Buzz: Carries the strong odor of other movies --
"Ocean's Eleven," "Get Shorty," etc. -- but they
were movies we liked, and the cast looks great, so what's the harm?
Trailer Highlight: The trailer's got it all: Jason
Bateman sporting what looks like a cold sore, thousands of bullets,
and Alicia Keys setting up a blowjob joke.
Bottom Line: After she drags you to "Catch and
Release," this should cleanse the palate.
Official Web Site: http://www.smokinaces.net/
You can follow us on Twitter and Facebook for content updates. Also, sign up for our email list for weekly updates and check us out on Google+ as well.