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Rinocerose: Rinocerose Label: V2 Records Released: 2006

Daft Punk, where you at? Where you at!?!? Basement Jaxx? Are you here? Audio Bullys? Yup, they’re all here. Actually, they’re not, but it kinda feels that way. It’s cool, though, ‘cause it feels nice. It feels like that standard scene in a ‘80s video set in New York, where all the kids are outside in the street playing stick ball and all of a sudden the fire hydrant pops open and a hot chick starts singing and a group of dancers fall in behind her. Whoa. Where the hell did that come from?

This is great music by which to sell iPods and Scions and makeup. Don’t get me wrong: that’s not necessarily a bad thing. If you’re good looking and can get into the club, then this record is for you. It’s great music to work out to or by which to mow your lawn as well. Actually, anything involving movement or looking pretty will work with this record. This record is providing a service that a number of bands are not. Hey, rock bands! You can’t just sit around all day and mope about. Put a smile on your face and dance, you bed-headed little bugger!! Shit, I think I’m losing weight and becoming fashion-conscious just listening to it. And all of a sudden I’m not hungry. Weird.

The guitars are super slick if not totally sampled. The hooks are strong, when they pop up. The vocals are great. The drums sound tight. It just all feels like maybe they spent too much time making the record. This shit must have taken forever to put together. Because it sounds so super-produced though, they’ll be able to license every track on this record throughout the world for eternity. Shit, I’ll be willing to bet that some Japanese bubble gum company licensed just one of these tracks and now these guys won’t have to make records ever again. Or maybe they’ll just buy more gear and keep making polished records until they die and will one day become wealthier than Bill Gates.

There are only a handful of electronic bands making a statement, and I think these guys are somewhere in that category. They’ve been able to pull all of the elements together and make a cohesive record out of their influences. That’s not an easy task. Neither is getting laid. This record will help you with that, if the timing is right. And if you work out and look pretty. It’s a vicious cycle.